Is blood thicker than water? 2015

Written by SariaHArt

2015

We imply that family ties are always more important than the ties you make among friends.  That bond is stronger when it comes to family than people outside the family.

This theory made me so mad when I first heard about it. It got me as mad as I was growing up. But as you read on to my story, I hope you understand that it can happen to the family you make. It can be life changing.  I’m sure many of you have “that” perfect family, that loving mother, that father daughter relationship, that bother who protects you and that sister you tell everything to. But know this, the fortunate ones that have that bond with your family, consider yourself grateful. I on the other hand, don’t feel like I was placed in a loving home and environment. I have never seen my father sober for more than 24hrs. His love for alcohol is so strong that no one can break his bond with his green bottle. It’s so strong that my own daughter thinks “the green bottle” is grandpa’s water. It breaks my heart to know that the relationship that my children will have with their maternal grandfather will be so blurry. Don’t get me wrong, my father has the biggest heart anyone can imagine. He’s not an aggressive drunk; he’s just an addicted drunk. He goes to alcohol to wipe away his sadness and anger. It’s his greatest love and no one; I mean no one can surpass that. And I say this to the world because I know many, I mean tens of thousands are going through the same thing and I want you to know that you are not alone. I also write this to assure myself that I am NOT alone. When one parent has a big sickness, it’s not easy for the family or the sicker.

Have you ever asked yourself why your mother had you? Or perhaps even asked her why? I have every day of my life. So one day I tried to seek my answer. I asked my mother, “Why did you have me?” Her reply, “because I just did, it was my time to, there was nothing else, I had no choice.” I was dumbfounded. I was struck by lightning. I couldn’t believe my ears. All those years of feeling neglect became a reality.  I wondered if she even cared to think about how I would feel if she said that. I’m sure she loves me. I’m sure she cares about me. But those words reassured me of my existence. I escaped through drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes.  To me, life was meaningless. It wasn’t those words that made me depressed but it was the fact that her actions conveyed the truth behind her words. And that that is what hurt me. I tell this short conversation with my mother and me to you because I don’t want you to give up hope. Don’t be searching for your mother’s love if it’s not there. Don’t be begging for it and get hurt again. Live for yourself. Know that you are more important than you think you are. I say this to myself, even though at times it’s so hard to believe it. Know that there is someone out there that will love you unconditionally. Yes, UNCONDITIONALLY!!!! I didn’t believe it until I opened my heart to my husband. He believed in me and loves me unconditionally. And yes, it will happen to you. I don’t want to be so religious, but God explains how with all the suffering and hurt, He will fill it with good and happiness. Just be patient and believe in yourself.

Even for siblings. My brother and I are like night and day. He’s only 16 months older than I am and tries his best to delete me. I’m never in his thoughts or concerns. I understand everyone has a life and life does not revolve around me. But when your own brother doesn’t talk to you for years, or doesn’t call you when you had a baby, or doesn’t respond when you wish him a happy birthday or doesn’t refer you as “his sister.” Then stop letting that affect you and move on. I know it’s easier told than done. I’m sure; he’s probably this amazing person that’s successful, wealthy and popular to the public. I say this for myself and you. Stop seeking what you cannot get. Stop wasting energy on something that’s not going anywhere. Instead, learn from that. As I have two children, and they too are almost 2years apart, I strive for their friendship among each other. I make it a priority that they must love each other. If they get into arguments, I make them hold hands and hug it out until it’s settled. Sure, it’s a lot of effort and discipline but I don’t want their relationship like how my brother and I are. And be rewarded with all your hard work. Today was my daughter’s pre-school Easter celebration. And she waited until the end, until we got home to open all her eggs and gave half to her brother. For a four year old to give up half her Easter eggs, which she only had a totally of 13 was the most rewarding thing for a mother to see that bond and kindness. Like I said before, God will fill those holes in other ways unimaginable. Just believe and thank Him. And you did it. You made that kindness between your children and God was behind it all.

                                HAPPY EASTER WEEKEND EVERYONE. I HOPE I KEEP INSPIRING YOU AND ENCOURAGING YOU TO LIVE AND BE HAPPY.                

SariaHArt

I am a second generation Korean American female that struggled terribly during my childhood and to my adulthood. In my family, my life was nonexistent. I was resented, unloved, neglected, and treated like a ghost from my biological parents. My father was a manic depressed, alcoholic during my whole life. My mother is a “narcissistic mother” whom never wanted me and told me that her greatest regret in life was having to stop breastfeeding my brother because I was born.

At the age of 20, something static happened. My life changed and I ferociously pursued my life as an artist. I ecstatically announced my newfound passion to my family, and they brutally laughed and impertinently told me I was crazy. Shockingly, for the first time in my life, I numbed them out and passionately started learning all about the ARTS. Creativity was not in my vocabulary, as I never drew as a kid, nor did any arts and crafts.

Anxiously, I took my passion for painting and drawing and started enrolling in all the art classes at a community college. I dedicated myself in so many art classes and studied about art night and day. I judiciously isolated myself with art. I forcefully wanted all the knowledge about art, artists, history…etc that time passed so quickly, that within 2 years, I have taken so many classes that I received an AA in Drawing and Painting. At 2003, Cerritos Community College awarded me “Student of the Year Curricular Art Award.” For the first time in my life, I felt pride and I knew this was my calling, passion, and purpose for my life. Since, I couldn’t afford to transfer to a prestigious university, I applied to only one school that was close to where I lived, California State University of Fullerton. From there, I graduated with a Deans List and received my BFA in 2007.

After graduation, I wanted to get experience, and produce series of artwork and only focusing on the purpose of my artwork. Merrily, 2007 was a dream and seemed effortless with all the upcoming events. The Bill Lowe Gallery in Santa Monica, CA had called me and asked me if they can represent me as one of their Artists, so I happily signed with them. A month later, TARFEST Festival of Film, Music, and art in Los Angeles CA, chose one of my art pieces “Choices” to be represented in the Korean Culture Center. Also, in 2007, I was chosen for an Artist Residency for two months and was the youngest artist to exhibit in “The Red Arrow Gallery” in Joshua Tree with two other artists. I was publicized in Korea Times, Los Angeles and an exclusive article about me as an artist in the Hi Desert Star in Joshua Tree News. In the last months of 2007 and first month of 2008, I was granted $600 to stay at Kimmel Harding Nelson Center in Nebraska for another artist residency. With the works that I produced at the residency, I was granted a $1000 honorarium, with a two month solo exhibition in Omaha, Nebraska at the Art Loft of Florence Mill. In 2009 I went to Madison, Wisconsin for another Residency and produced more than twenty works during my stay. At 2010, from those artworks, I was fortunate to be asked to show in a two artist exhibition in Stockton, California at the “LH Horton Gallery.” My artwork was hung throughout the gallery for a full month. ***MOST IMPORTANTLY, I want everyone to understand that anyone can learn anything if they put their heart into it. Never give up and don’t let yourself or others tell you otherwise. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how busy you are, if you want to learn how to draw and paint, it is 100% possible. Just believe in yourself and pursue your passion.

http://www.SariaHArt.com
Previous

Life is full of jealousy!! 2015
Next

Love Versus Vulnerability!